We desire — no, we want — to feel respected and appreciated in intimate relationships. We sincerely hope that our partners would appreciate our efforts, hold us in high regard, and regard us as significant and deserving of their time and attention. R-E-S-P-E-C-T is what we want. When you're in love, it's natural and appropriate to want and enjoy your partner's respect for you. But what if you're in a narcissistic relationship?
Narcissists are intense in their own pursuit of respectIf practically all partners seek respect, those who have a set of personality qualities known as narcissism have it at an unimaginable level. Narcissists thrive on seeking out social encounters that can increase their own sentiments of being loved and admired by others. They have grandiose, inflated self-images. When they see a chance, narcissists will often exploit their romantic partners to increase their sense of being respected; they may date high-status, attractive partners or purposefully associate themselves with partners who will idealise and flatter them (Campbell, 1999). However, wanting respect does not always equate to offering respect. Do narcissists have the energy to spend to giving others respect if they are so intent on gaining others' esteem? Narcissists and self-inflation strategies within relationshipsIf you've ever loved a narcissist, you're probably aware that they can employ a variety of strategies to maintain their inflated sense of self (Back et al., 2013). They could, for example, use:
Narcissistic rivalry is associated with low levels of respect-givingThe researchers discovered that using narcissistic rivalry techniques was linked to treating partners with less respect in their first study (Vrabel et al., 2021). In other words, romantic partners who feel obligated to preserve a grandiose self-perception by denigrating others are less likely to appreciate, honour, approve of, or show interest in the person they're dating or married to. Individuals' tendencies to use narcissistic admiration strategies were not linked to giving their partners respect (i.e., no zero-order correlation), despite other analyses (using multiple regression with narcissistic rivalry as a predictor) showing that narcissistic admiration was positively associated with giving respect (i.e., no zero-order correlation). To put it another way, narcissists who build themselves up to feel valued are more likely to respect their relationships.
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September 2021
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